Things might just be starting to open up. Taking stock of where things have been at for the past two months, I've been far too tight and narrow in my focus. I've got a lot of work on my plate, and my tendency to place that above everything else has lead to bizzarrely atlas-like delusions of overarching responsibility on my part. The weight of the world is on my shoulders, yeah, but it's not on me alone. There are millions of people out there who are helping to bear the burdin. We just gotta get ourselves organized, and we can get some shit done.
But I'm not here to talk about work. It creeps into everything I do, I know, but I want to get past it for a little while. I went out and surfed the net tonight. It's been ages since I did this. I went to re-visit some old faces and have a ball nerding out. Just clicking around, seeing what's up. When you're not reading a politics site and every click doesn't leave you dead-ended at a news-source, you can go on some interesting journeys. In contrast with channel surfing on cable TV -- something that rarely fails to give me the fear -- this felt interesting and natural.
It's spring. I can feel parts of myself coming a live that have been sleeping for far too long. I'm a little cramped, a little soft and saggy, but it's nothing a little yoga can't cure. I'm going to start going, and I've got to find some art to take in too. The world may or may not be at a watershed moment, only time will tell, but if I don't improve my cultural and social diet, I'll be no good to anyone.
It's odd, living this life. In olden days I'd be more apt to spill guts, to tell a lot of lurid soaring tales. These days I don't brag or boast much; my meditations are about things outside my window, and not the inner workings of me. In a perfect world I'll start uncurling my experience, revealing each twist and turn and kink and whirl with a flourish of intention. I strongly intend to turn this period of my life into great art. I strongly intend to return soon to performance.
And in the meantime I'll remember to make time to dance, and keep the zen of everything wrapped around me like invisible armor. We must be smiling buddha warriors, for in our conquest the future is a bright one and we work on the side of the good... But I'm not going to talk about work.
I'm sleepy, so this is where I'll leave it. Suffice to say that there's movement. There's a movement too, but that's been there all along, building in the background. What I'm stoked about today is the sense that my personal situation is on the thaw.
