"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Entrepreneur

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Girthy Graduation

Girth

The following submission was made by the Girth to his soon-to-be alma matter in reponse to solicitations of interest for speechafying at graduation:

Statement of Interest In Graduation Speech

Hastings, baby, you know you want me to give that speech. Why wouldn't you? You're not afraid I'll make fun of you for being sell-out greedy soulless corporate hacks are you? You don't think I'd ridicule those of you who are just whiny ineffectual do-gooders? Come on, Hastings, baby you know I ain't like that. What? Are you still mad about that time when we got drunk together? Sweetheart, sometimes a headbutt means I love you. I wouldn't get up there in front of thousands of people and say some alarming crass politically dissident shit that might cause your republican grandma to have a heart attack.. For real this time, I've changed.

Ok fine, I'm sorry I puked on your floor, there I said it. Are you happy now? And as for the other thing, it didn't happen the way you heard, dude seriously, your sister came on to me. Whatever, I'm sick of trying to convince you. You're just going to vote for some cheesedick who promises to get up there and talk about all the friends he made and professors he respected, blah blah blah. That's not how I roll. I keep it real son. My speech will be so goddamn funny, Jesus Christ would laugh at the blasphemy, if his hands weren't nailed to a fucking piece of wood. Hastings, you ain't got the balls to vote for me.

Naturally he has been invited to speak to the class of 2006. Commencement is May 21st.

UPDATE: The video is here!

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The Insurgency

FRONTLINE: the insurgency: watch the full program.

The Austrailian guy with the copyrights all over everything (Michael Ware) seems like a bit of a boaster, but given the situation for journalists over there it wasn't as though Frontline had a plethora of sources to pick from.

The report tries to be positive, and it would be great if Col. McMaster's point of view had been shared up and down the chain of command from day 1, but given recent events, I don't think we're going to get a happy ending. Even if we dodge the rumbling civil war for another year, the occupation can go on and on for a lot longer and still not work out. The British occupied/created Iraq over a period of 35 years, and they were left with nothing.

I honestly don't see how we can hope to do any better, especially given our occupation's lack of sustainablility. In large part because the war was concieved with a level of due dilligance and objectivity that rivals the planners behind pets.com, and in large part because it's simply a terrifically bad idea to go and invade countries that didn't invade you first, the strategic position we're in is a big-time loser. We're $250B in the hole so far, and the total human toll -- the effects of death, attrition, and future medical care for the wounded --- is going to push that much higher, two to four times higher, even if we could magically pull out right this second.

We simply cannot affort to keep this show running for much longer, and stubbornly pursuing the Tinkerbell Strategy (Clap louder! It'll work out!) is fucking ignorant, not to mention cruel. It's not as morally monsterous as when palace-dwelling generals in Europe fed millions into the trench-war meat grinder in WWI, but it's just about as stupid.

We should be looking at how to bring our occupation of Iraq -- and I would argue the majority of our military presence in the entire region -- to an end. It's going to happen. Empire isn't sustainable over time, and it's not really even the right idea to pursue. The question is whether we redeploy on our own terms or whether we continue burning our future prospects in pursuit of some spectre of Pax Americana.

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Oh My

When arming people for civil war, America strives for balance. If this is an accurate description of our strategy at the moment, we're in for more bad news.

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