It's been a busy yet pretty much unremarkable week here in the State of Jefferson. We had visitors down over the weekend, and the past two days I've been working on finishing old projects/making up for missed time.

I like it here. It's slow, but I like it so far. I need to do a better job of structuring my schedule. All the hurlyburly of the past month (left NYC, spent a week in Vegas at the Yearly Kos convention, flew to SF for two days, then up here for two, then to Oregon for four, then back here to recieve holiday visitors) has made it difficult to organize.

I've been reaching back into my old bag of slogans over the past weeks, revisiting my old philsophies. My introspection comes in the night, usually taking advantage of the hot tub or getting a little light quasi-yogic stretching done. I'm a big bath-taker, so the tub is a great luxury, and one I heartily embrace.

When I find myself retraicing my steps mentally, I make a note of it. When you cover the same ground, you're probably on to something. It may be time to make a decision, or set a goal, or admit something. 'Tis all one.

So what have we learned? Well, I'm nervous. I worry about wasting my summer. I'm skittish about opening myself up. I don't know if I'm any good. I worry about the next phase in life. I worry about the worry. Wheels within wheels.

One of my better hoary old chestnuts goes Believe in the Divinity of your Forward Momentum. I'm having a hard time doing that lately; the nervousness. My forward momentum is at the moment a bit murky and strange. I don't doubt my potential or ability to make it in the world for one second, but I do wonder what the fuck to do with myself.

I like things that drive me forward. I liked my fixed-gear bike. I liked New York City for this reason. I need to be pushed, but I'm pretty picky about where I'll take it from. I think part of the test of these months is whether or not I have it within myself to be my own motivation.