"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Forgot It

Saturday sun here at the cafe next door to my place. Lovely spot with neighborly owners, good coffee and tea and wireless internet access. The hood is good.

Out late last night, the Zeitgeist, and had the whole Jungle household crashing in my barely furnished apartment. I felt guilty having a bed and everyone else sharing our one couch and the cushions and the thermarest. I'm up in the big house on the hill, a plush Serta bought off two friendly lesbiens from Oakland. It's all fine in the morning with coffee and biscuits and gravy at Als. Maybe we'll see Bubba Hotep later today; depends on how work goes.

At the bar trying to have converstaion, trying to look at women, hearing myself talk -- my voice repeating cracky high tones -- and wondering what it was all about. Shots of cheap Irish Whisky (Powers) and pints of Steam. Stopping off at the El Salvadoran joint for way more food than we could eat and a lovely hit of orchata before coming to rest. Frisco is a small town at heart, I think. It's got that feeling; friends and family and familiar faces.

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11th Hour

Deep into my 11th hour today in the office and alone now at 6:45 on a friday, a creeping loneliness sweeps in with the dusk. Here I am on the run from things -- we all realized this was a contributing factor to my readyness to move across country -- and it's not quite working. My thoughts cling to lapsed times, deadening my soul, moments coming back into the minds eye; sometimes unbidden, sometimes dredged up on purpose for the sake of feeling. Or at least feeling what feeling was like, passion regrettably now residing in tenses past.

Don't get me wrong. It's not all desolation. There are sprouts, curious things emerging from the rich San Franciscan soil. But they're fits and flashes, a blurry moment of lust last weekend in the loft with the skate-ramp, but only a moment. Literally. Seconds: flash, eye contact, words, phone number, nothing. The rest is ashes and application, no phoenix yet, dig? Work and sleep and a (still) mostly empty apartment. The moments of coordinated unity are good, the click of teamwork, but when all the purpose falls away and it's just me and my life and my memories... well, the walls are pretty rickety.

And I'm reading Henry Miller and that's probably not helping.

So I'll trundle along. There's too much at stake to get kneecapped by something as banal and ubiquitous as catching a cold and missing your ex-girlfriend. Focus is the premium thing now.

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Consistancy: the Proof is in the Pudding

So let's wrap our heads around this; Tommy gets 9 months for paraphinalia and Rush goes to rehab in spite of trafficing in 1000s of pills. I'm not saying Rush should go to jail; I wouldn't advocate sending an addict to prision, much as the perverse irony of forcing the mother of all windbags to follow his own advice appeals to the political warrior in me. It would be fun, but it would also be wrong.

Let's talk about the truth and chemicals. It's true that drug use, abuse and addiction can all be destructive for individuals and communities. It's also true that none of these are necessarily so, that in fact the reverse may be true depending on the individual circumstances and the substance involved. It's also true that sending people to prison is perhaps the most expensive and least effective way of dealing with the social problems that drugs create. Finally, it also seems true that if we're going to have a free society, that freedom aught to include chemical liberty, the recognition that our bodies are our own property, and as such we have sovereignty over our own phisiology.

Perhaps Rush's admission will cause the mindlocked debate over drugs in our society to shamble forward a step or two. Perhaps it will cause people to stop demogauging about substances and start thinking about how we might inject a little sanity into our legislative system. I think it will probably take a new generation -- probably mine since generation X seems to do fuck-all -- to get this country off it's 100-year puritan rampage and back into the smooth groove of reason. It's going to take people stepping away from ideology and lore and into the realities of human experience. On a meta level, this is movement that's picking up steam, so maybe there's cause for hope yet.

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Viral

I'm sick; some kind of cold. I think it might be stress related along with the fact that I've got pimples on my forehead for the first time in four years and my hair seems to be falling out. The good news is I've got a nice comfey bed, a kettle and some tea, and a couple good books to see me through. The bad news is that Ahnuld is now the governor; though I think he'll face a recall too -- probably at the same time as the presidential primary in March.

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