I used to consider myself a Romantic person. In some respects -- grand worldly and spirtual -- I still am, but in my own life's sphere this light has grown dim. I suppose my character remains the same, but without personal prospects its easy enough to become something of a sad old case about it. I could quickly become the kind of person who's susceptible to well-crafted commercials and low-quality romantic comedy. Perish the thought, but I feel it happening.
This page is now almost a year and a half out of date. What's the deal there, Koenig? I dunno. I supose I'm confused about what I want these days; don't really have any desire to be a guy who takes home girls he just kissed for the first time, but I'm no good at not kissing girls and sometimes they want me to follow them home, and at that point who am I to refuse them? At the same time, I'm in no position to be in a "real" relationship of any sort, scattered and flighty as I am. Yet part and parcel with that disillusionment with hookups, I long for substance. It's a catch 22.
Which is why I'm more or less convinced that Reason will not save me here. This is, in the end, a matter of the heart; that demands Romance, sputtering though my own engines of fancy may be. Trick of it is, I'm not really sure what that means in the context of my life. Time was I felt the tingle of possibility in every smoldering gaze, the power of all the universe in my sweaty bike-riding body as I stalked about the finer quarters of manhattan. Lately I'm restricted, cowed, hesitant. The spirit has no pasture in which to run free, even as I seek to unleash it.
And so it goes. In the area of love my life tends to be unconventional. The broad strokes are recognizable -- we're all human, thank goodness -- but the social minutae and specific bits are outside the mainstream. This is tough because I don't really have a model to follow; just groping my way along in the darkness like every other wannabe bohemian, hoping to strike something solid or rich or at least temporarily rewarding.
Cue up "Heart of Gold" and pour another bourbon, allright? I'll catch the rest of you tomorrow.
