"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

On the Mend, Round the Bend

I'm a mess
I'm on the mend!

On the mend here, though a little psychically disturbed from a morning of watching c-span, but there's not a lot more to say about the situation that hasn't already been said, words spilling forth in accent or crisp translaton and overfilling our minds with senseless and meaningless datum. I'll be personal for a bit.

I feel a shift coming on, though into what I do not know. February was a month of high velocity, something I relish and desire, yet that led to a crash, as life's highs tend to do. The bike thing was a pretty good metaphor for it all; moments of hubris, lapses in judgement, dangers unseen, these things can align in deadly calculus, their formation escaping our notice until we are beyond the point of no return. But the damage is imperminant. I will have no scars, though I might have a slightly crooked tooth for some time. I think it gives my mouth a little more character, to be honest.

Yet I'm plagued with doubts about what is to be next. I'm in hot pursuit of more work for the months of March and April, clawing my way back to fiscal solvancy and aiming for a summer of freewheeling times in the west (Berkeley, Eugene, Black Rock City). It's good for me to have these goals, and yet on some level they fail to obliviate my sense of responsibility toward the world. They fail to address the desire to build "a career" to gain recognition, standing, esteem, to slake my thirst for power in an orgy of revolutionary change. I lust for significance, partly for egotistical ends and partly because of my utter contempt for the people running the show at the moment, but mostly because I want the world to be a better place than it is. It's a mood I've been in for quite some time.

I've been working on a lenthy document that I call "Praxis." It encapsulates some of my ideas about where this wild torpedo is headed and what I might do to ride it the best I can. I've latched on to the word praxis because my life is full of theory but not so full of practice: a little less conversation and a lot more action please. Actually, I'll take conversation -- real conversation, meaning communication about life and souls and meaning and other real things -- over inaction and small talk. Communication is where things start. The document is my strategy, my business plan, my mission statement and my manifesto. I need to put it through another round of addition/revision/reduction and then I need to start sharing it with people. This will be the likely locale for a first premire.