Haulin' Ass, Gettin' Paid
Man, I loved that little bit from Idiocracy That's what I'm talkin' about! Lol. Anyway, uhhh...
Wake up, Wake up, Wake up
It's the first of the month
Well, as alluded to below with work seeming to progress well, I've reached another milestone in my quest for financial freedom. I'm square with the tax-man, the last big fiduciary obligation. My bank account is low, but I'm free and clear of serfdom: it's all gravy from here on out!
Translated to more realistic terms, that means I'm now in the novel situation of having only low-interest consolidated student loans as debt, and consistently (reliably?) earning more a month than I need to survive.
I feel like quoting Deadwood -- Ellsworth's line -- "I’ll tell you what: I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker."
Part of me wants to take this opportunity to settle things down, cut down on my bills and cut down on my work too. The hippy thing: simplifyyyyy. But I think for now this is unlikely.
I'm too ambitious for that just yet, not ready to take the "one big score and I'm out" thought into action. It seems much more likely to try to work a simplicity/tranquility component module into a more complex life. Like building a cabin on top of a mountain in Lawless Trinity County and keeping my home-base in Westhaven while holding down an apartment in the Bay. These things can be done, if I want to do them. I could also make other choices.
Freedom; terrible terrible freedom.
Giving free reign to my inner project-manager voice for a moment, let's take stock of things.
- Sticking with Chapter Three as my #1 project.
** After sinking a year into it, we'll be in a position to try and do some really interesting things.
** All partners remain critical. If any of us walk away, it all comes to naught.
** Staying in California for now: I'm too entangled the state/business to move elsewhere without a really good reason.
** Have to make regular appearances at the office, if not making it a daily thing.
- Trying to find a "bigger picture" goal to pursue.
** The part of my being that's been fed in the past by art and politics is getting to be famished.
** Is this something that can be satisfied through my work?
** If not, can I curb my workaholism to allow sufficient time and space for something else to emerge?
** And what the fuck will I actually do? Writing? Performing? Something totally new???
- Growing and nurturing my intentional community/family-of-friends as a more conscious project.
** Dauter returns from Germany in October.
** Brie in NYC now.
** Must visit Frank and Laura in STL ASAP.
- Girls Girls Girls
** Attempting to take the zen-like "when the student is ready" attitude, without letting the workaholism become a catch-all excuse not to engage.
** Need some kind of context (e.g. the coffee shop worker women down the block may be gorgeous and may ride fixed gear bikes and may provide service with a smile, but this is not really likely to work out and everyone knows it).
** Getting out of the comfort zone.
So, it feels reasonable to me that I can take things up a notch, and make progress on all fronts. I have a somewhat similar list in my private paper journal from early 2005 that's full of things that didn't necessarily transpire -- what is a plan? A plan is just a list of things that don't happen -- but were important in an aspirational sense. You've got to put it out there, you know? Believe in the divinity of your forward momentum and all that jazz.
Looking to the past is interesting. Here's a video I made one year ago:
A lot of things have changed up there (I'll do another when I'm back next week), but it's also interesting for me because watching that takes me back to the mental state of that day, which is quite a ways away from where I am now. Feels good.
This past trip 'round the sun has been what most sportscasters would call "a rebuilding year," and all things considered it was quite successful. Certainly it's been more lonely and slow-going than I've liked at times, but I think holing up in the woods and living a life of (relative) quiet and chastity has been valuable in helping me grow up. I also wouldn't be out of debt today without the low low cost of living to augment my newfound financial clout.
The question is now that I'm coming down off the mountain, so to speak, what's the big plan?
Feels like maybe my summer project is to figure that out.