There's this concept in my mental toolbox called Dunbar's number (wikipedia), which comes from the research of an anthropologist named Robin Dunbar. Basically his idea is that there's a limit to the number of social connections that can be meaningfully maintained. The rough estimate is about 150.
I generally feel like I'm pushing the envelope there, and I'm starting to drop packets. Lots of social grooming is going undone; emails not returned, events missed, plans left in limbo, etc. If you're one of the unfortunately many folks who I haven't been in touch with, I'm sorry.
The past couple months have been intense. I've logged 534 hours, which is 60 a week. Considering all the hours that get worked that aren't in the log, the lost sleep, etc, that's a pretty heavy load.
I was doing pretty good on the extra-effort front for most of may and the beginning of June, but the past couple weeks I've started wearing down. It's most difficult when I start losing sight of what it's all about. There have been times when it felt overwhelming, like I couldn't do it. Those moments are few and generally pass. It's the "what the hell is this all about" parts that are hard. Tonight I feel like I'm seeing the light again. There's still a hard row to hoe ahead, but I feel confident about it, and I know what it's for.
I've often played with the idea of charting these kinds of feelings, like some kind of spiritual stock-ticker. Maybe there's some correlation with a behavior I can tune. Gotta have data for that.
Tomorrow I'll head up to Oregon. There's a wedding, dinner w/my mom, a birthday party, a run to Tacoma to pick up a new car from Alaska for Marcus Gravy, hopefully a visit w/my sister and some other friends, and then back to home base to close the deal on a Eureka office space and get a shit-ton of work done next week. Hoorah!
And there will be much better days ahead. Things will decompress in the next month, and we'll have a chance to get set and start in on Q4 with gusto and poise.
Beyond work there hasn't been much. Summer is breaking here, and it makes me wish I could get out there more. I'm getting the swing of how the household is with just me and Kellymundo, a feel for what the Humboldt future might be like. It's good, but I can't help thinking about being able to roam a bit more, travel the world, get back to NYC for a bit.
Sometimes I wonder where all this is headed. Worldly success seems to breed more commitments, more stress, more responsibility. My man the Girth is kicking Public Defense ass, and as a result soon he'll get called up to the show, working felonies. Where does it go? What kind of life do we want to lead?
There's an inflection point somewhere here, some catalytic threshold. It feels like we're rising, but the question is whether we'll really make it to the Next Level. Don't know what that is precisely, but hopefully it's real. I'm sort of exhausted at the moment, but I've got a lot of wild chi bottled up inside me, and it'll be fun to let that out.
So here's to driving music and moonlight, back massages and delicious food, to sweaty exercise and living free. Life is a gift. Don't forget to use it.