"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

All Creatures Great And Small

It's a hell of a thing to put your whole heart and mind and body -- I sacraficed my body: I'm fat now! -- into something like a presidential election and then have it come up tasting like ashes. Gut punch; long long looks in the mirror; the incredible sense of freedom and possibility that comes from no longer having that overrarching purpose; the incredible sense of being lost.

Bit by bit I'm settling into it. Bit by bit, I reclaim the dignity of my own experience.

There's plenty of political drama going around right now -- on the national scene and within people's hearts, even within people's organizations -- but the way forward is coming clear. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard. Harder, in fact, than it was before. But now we know a few things about what works and what doesn't, and the people who have soulful ideas to fall back on are at an innate advantage for now. That's more than right, it's righteous.

Personally I have an enormous headache after spending four days wrestling with my future, with four more days to go it seems. There's a lot to believe in in this world, and you have to pick your battles and sift through the landscape. I wonder these days what the range is between childish, romantic, idealistic and true, but in the end I've got a philosophy to fall back on, and I believe it's as soulful as they come.

I've been busier and more beat up this week than ever I imagined, but it's all for the good.

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