"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Well here's one thing...

At least John Kerry is a better snowboarder than I am. I tend to get the feeling with him -- as I do with a lot of prominant people -- that I could do better; however, after my recent experience, I have to give it up for his ability to carve. Lookin' sharp, brah.

ohyeah!

It's a weird time. I'm a little hung over from last night. Only a little; 4 or 5 pints of Guiness, and no tangy biking vegan from Seattle to stumble into either. That's too bad, I guess. I'm still lacking my mojo, or at least the energy and fortitude to whip it out and apply. I was thinking the other day about my faux-sex-symbol status at work (thanks Spacewaitress), and how/if/should I ever make that work for me. On a certain level I love attention like anyone does, yet at the same time I don't want to have to live up to any expectation or go out of my way to get my kudos.

Need to stretch more.

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Back Swinging

I'm back in the bay, back to regular working. Back to probably blogging a little less here. I'm going to start trying to write a lot more on MfA, and I'll pretty much only use this spot for personal stuff. Maybe something interesting will happen in my personal life, but with the way resources are allocated I kind of doubt it.

Happy St. Patrick's day to ya cheers. Strange to think back at where I was just a year ago.

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Sore

I attempted to learn to snowboard yesterday in pretty icy conditions. I fell a lot, and now I'm sore. Falling on icy snow is a a lot like falling on gravel; a few choice strawberries and a lot of bruses too. It also uses a whole set of muscles that I don't often exercise. I'm sore in ways I can only compare to the circle of pain -- an infamous quasi-transcendent group warmup and conditioning exercise -- from my freshman year in the Experimental Theater Wing.

It's been a heavy weekend. Lots more to do going forward.

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Sprung II

Walking to the BART this morning with Zack, we coincidentally fell in behind this woman. I'd noticed her the day before working in the coffee shop -- not the one I mentioned in the blog, but one I noticed. She was tallish and willowy, with a slow long stride. Reminded me of this British woman that worked with Jeremy a couple years ago (fall 2002; an interesting time) who'd I'd been all into. Victoria. At the time Jeremy shut me down. "Bad Josh," he said when I asked if she had a boyfriend.

Anyway, it took me a while to remember that this is the girl I was being reminded of; all the while walking and talking behind her, feeling the vibe. She went to the BART also, and there was seemingly significant eye contact on the platform... but also good discussion with Zack and early morning blearyness so I wasn't about to make a move. Still, the vibe was there, sure as its ever been. Who knows what might have happened? I was legitimately attracted. How often do I piss and moan about how that never happens? Hope opportunity knocks again.

Thinking about that Victoria girl on a plane ride to Colorado -- where I blog from now on MfA retreat -- stirred up an interesting other memory. That little crush was all around the first anneversary of September 11th. Real tense time. I remember on the actual anneversary I was biking over the Queensboro bridge. It was a beautiful day, and there was this businessman walking toward me carrying a flag on a stick, just holding it up, smiling, kind of giving strength to people. That was one of the last times I remember being actively happy to see the flag in action. Strange confluence of springtime thoughts, but it's late and I'm dealing with a high altitude environment.

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Sprung

After three consecutive days of temperatures above 60 and no fog, rain or grey days, my tired cranky blood is starting to stir. Spring is in the air; good old Spring Awakening.

I find myself craining my head more often on my bicycle. I find myself delightfully preoccupied with the mystery of precisely what moves under a woman from Oklahoma's shirt at a bar, with the space defined between the lower cuffs of a backpack toting girl's khaki shorts at the coffee shop, with the swirl of hair, flash of teeth, curve, flex or sparkle. Whatever it is, I find myself noticing.

At the moment it's kind of maddening. I simply don't have the human resources to pursue anything resembling a conventional relationship, and it seems I lack the savvy to slide into an easy coupling. The rules of engagement are mysterious and unknown here in San Francisco. Frank confirms this; New York women are different. In the parlance of our times, I have no game.

That said, it feels good to feel. The buzz is back in a lot of ways, and I'm glad that my glands are all in order. I'd begun to worry a bit about the creeping must of an extremely overworked winter. Hopefully this spring and summer I can improve my physical condition, find more creative outlets, and maybe even make out a tad, weather permitting of course.

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Air War Opening Salvo

The Republicans are pissed about third-party groups influencing this election, and it ain't about moveon. Here's the opening volly from the Media Fund (aka George Soros). It's ok, but it's like Bush's ads, but without the punch. The shipping jobs overseas thing is the hardest hit, but it's not really driven home. Kerry's ads are harder hitting and better edited. Using Bush to beat Bush is a pretty good tactic as long as you're not taking something wildly out of context.

Update: the Log Cabin Republicans are speding a mil to air ads against Bush's hate amendment. It would seem that the right-wing consensus is unraveling, and not a minute too soon.

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Things Change

I'm fairly old-school on the daily kos, but I haven't been posting much since Dean went down in flames. I still read it though; Markos has an eye for news, and you get hot links to things which Paul Krugman picks up later on in the week. It's good and comforting to see old names, names I have come to trust, putting out rather high quality text. There are a lot of new faces, some of them interesting, some not. And the air is a bit different.

I don't write about things very much anymore... this will probably change some when I get into the work of crafting some vision stuff, but at the moment I'm still recovering from my Howard Dean hangover. I'm happier plugging databases and writing code than wrestling with the situation in prose at the moment. It's partly, I know, because there was a time when I was really convinced that my writing was making a difference -- which it was and is in whatever way it always has and will -- but much grandeur and possibility has subsided. Not that I'm discouraged; just smarting.

And writing is art for me. It's not something I can really force, or something I really feel comfortable wielding in a precise manner. I prefer to let fly with exuberance and passion, so this little era of low-energy and message control is doubly inhibiting.

On a different note, I've become quite a fan over the past three months of Stirling Newberry, who also writes on BOPnews and other places too. I once heckled him under an assumed name on the Clark Sphere back in a snarky partisan summer moment. Now I know better. Pay attention; he's got a line on the Naked Lunch of it all.

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Oh Man

Just heard that Spalding Grey died. The NYT (my favorite local paper) has the details, as well as a pretty decent account of his career. He was an amazing artist. I got to meet and talk with him once back in High School, and his body of work was pretty inspiring to me as a performer. Sorry to see him go.

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Gone Campin'

I've gone campin'. Have a good weekend.

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The Life of a Rider; Slot the Groove; Cut Mix Wheel Spin

In a straightaway I'm slower on my bicycle than a car, but I retain an edge in agility and I disobey the law. These are really the advantages. City cycling is a ballet of sorts, a thing of rhythm and unity in motion. There are a plethora of variables that enter and exit your equation as you ride block to block. Car door, hill, streetlight, jogger, dog walker, left turn only, yadda yadda yadda. The ability of a rider to carve through time, to see ahead as a speed chess player does -- not with absolute precision, but with sufficient confidance to make a move without pausing for conscious thought -- is the differentiator between recreational cyclists and true riders.

It is the difference between tourism and adventure, between a pleasent diversion and a lifestyle choice.

My position in the world as a rider colors my other experience. I'm comfortable, even desirous of sustained physical exertion. I am comfortable with my sweat, comfortable playing with degrees of energy and torque that could be lethal if misapplied. I am urban calvary. Riding thrusts you into your environment just as driving a car removes you from it; when in transit I exist in a public space, subject to the same forces as any other object of being. This changes the way you feel about your cubicle at work, your room at home, your booth at the bar, etc etc etc.

Lately as I've been down and out some, I've taken to riding hard and high to work through things. Methodically climbing big hills in SF, I answer questions to myself; I ruminate, preachify, storm and thunder, rhapsodize; all to the rhythm set up in my thighs and pushed through my knees to my feet to the pedal crank chain gear spoke weel tube rubber road. Higher and higher. With my slick set of wheels geared all the way down, dropping one leg's full pistoning potential will cause my front end to kick up off the street even on the steepest of car-chase hills. Iggy Pop; raw power is sure to come running to you.

There's something to this, to the working and maneuvers. The downhill glee, and the syncopation of threading through other objects in motion. When I swing around a corner on a steady great arc, passing pretty crosswalk girls close enough to carry an eddy of perfume in my wake there's a thrill of quality and excellence that's absolutely priceless and addictive. There's an edge of death and danger and reptilian satisfaction to all of this, and it colors the rest of my experience. The life of a rider is saturated and high-contrast, and when we fall off our horses, there's nothing for it but to get back up and ride again.

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