"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Bachelor Party Headline: Piven Cockblocked

Continuing my tremendously successful run here in the NYC, at the Bachelor celebration for our beloved A-Stock the possible highlight of the evening was that we collectively cock-blocked Jeremy Piven.

(Note, this is meant in the following spirit: To interfere with someone who is getting acquainted with, conversing with, or hooking up with a member of the opposite sex, though actually I think you can cock-block on homosexuals too. In the name of all that is holy and decent, that's all the detail that I'll publicly reveal. Let the rumors and speculation flourish.)

It's better than any other shenanigan I can think of (really, tits are so passé), and gratifying even though I quite like Mr. Piven's acting. In truth, all things being equal would like him to attain whatever naughty fun he sought with his attractive young lady companion -- which, really, he still might have; we just don't know -- but I'm psyched that there's a great PG-13 story from the evening.

Anyway, it's been a week for the ages already, and it's only friggin' Wednesday. Let's keep on rocking in the free world, y'all.


Now I'm even more pissed I wasn't there. I demand details tomorrow.