"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Hymns From the City

Music Please.

Looking out over the man-made mountains of Manhattan, full moon reflected off concrete, the lingering bite of snow in the air, wrapped up in shadows out on the fringe of exhaustion, pushing finally to the borderline of innocence past all the complications and angles; there's where you find the essence of your reality, where control and construction fall away, where you are overtaken by events, have no choice but to Be There, suffering your nerves, grinding your jaw, feeling your guts churn, your heart about to leap or sink or smolder or burn.

And even though this can be at times quite unpleasant, the greater way is to ride these waves, breathe deeper into the butterflied tummy, the tensed-up shoulders; to channel all this energy, to let it all flow, to have the essence of original cool, neither loosing or asserting control. Because this is your life, and it's not really something that should be rationalized. It's something you aught to live, deeply if at all possible.

A pretty smart and pretty passionate (and it should be said, pretty pretty) woman I know explained to me once how getting out on a long road trip was a good way for her of "hitting the reset button," getting re-acquainted with what's important, real, true, etc. I know the feeling, but unfortunately don't have a personally reliable formula for getting there myself. So it's blessed when I'm transported thus, smack dab back to the moment.

It's not really like turning your mind off so to speak — just drink five shots of whiskey if that's what you're after; gets boring, don't it? — but more like getting your brain to take its foot off the brake. Scary, yes, but scary good, or to be more specific scary in the only way that anything will ever matter.

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High RPM

Just another great weekend in NYC. Got to see some new and unexpected vistas last night — midtown was magical, much as hipsters might malign; rotating bars, passionate opinions, scintillating intellects and wide-open honest folk. There are so many overlapping worlds here, and joy to be had in unexpected quantity.

So now to wrap things up, some NYU-area wandering and hearty food in the East Village, and hopefully a preview/demo of my mom's big presentation. I wish I could stay and play for longer — "stay a while. stay forever" — but I'm down to my last day and nights. Strong competition for my future though, I think.

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Saturday Afternoon Nerdliness

I'm in NYC, but thanks to a return to The Palace (from days of yore) I am moving slooooow. It was a good time though! Fab Dinner with Jeremy and Rachael (who have set a wedding date!) followed up by sister-dude, $8 pitchers of budweiser, Priest on the juke and me stepping up to some guy with my early-2000 street-cred. He was born in the neighborhood, so I ended up buying him a shot, but given that the place is overrun with kids these days I felt like I had to stand up.

Anyway, muddling through things, I goofed around with Pantheon a bit, and then google analytics data exporter, which I plan to start integrating for more accurate statistics of reads on my posts, etc. Fit of pride: 3,500 actual reads of this essay.

And now a txt from the momster. She's arrived. Time to get up and go!

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So Much

There's so much to say. I couldn't sleep last night even though I was totally exhausted. Buzzing buzzing buzzing thanks to the great city of New York, the Brooklyn winter market, and my utterly inspiring friends, family and comrades.

I am in a meaningful way a whole different person here, near the center of the clockwork. I'm looking forward to taking a few weeks off at the end of the year, figuring out next steps. It feels significant, the pull. More than just a jonez for city life.

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NYC Dates

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Thankgiving Ham

So I've been rolling this one over in my mind a fair bit in the past week, thinking about what I want out of life, what/how I want to be.

One thing I want is to hold on to my far-flung cadre of friends, the bigger Family I have that's grown by choices. I don't have any illusions about everyone all living together in one big happy hippy compound, or cutting a swath of stylish destruction as a king-hell gang of city-dwelling bohemians. No, people want to do their own things, and that's cool. I'm good with it. There are 31 flavors and more. Please sample them all and stick with whatever fits you the best for as long as it feels right.

What I'm more thinking about is keeping up the knitting, maintaining fresh contact information and some sense of What's Up with all these people I fucking love so much. Keeping up the process of running them into one another whenever possible, expanding the network when appropriate, etc. I don't want to sound like an ass, but I like being a part of an elite crew. I'm ambitious. It drags me down being around sad or needy or low-caliber individuals. You know the tune; Rise above, we're gonna rise above.

I was talking the other day with my Gypsy Princess roommate, about how she's always felt the lure of travel, the open road, adventure. And the more she thinks about it the more she wonders if the life of a rambling gypsy isn't but one of many possible outlets for her inner desires, maybe the easiest and best-practiced and ergo most alluring in a default fallback kind of way. Life tough? Go travlin'. That always gets the juices flowing. But maybe there's something more out there, something more substantial, another expression, a way of being that answers the same calling, but more creatively, substantively, sustainably.

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Tangled Up In Blue

It's a heady collection of tags: authentic experience, nyc, love, sex, friends; should be a real barn-burner of a blog.

Back in Humboldt for a week now, feeling the raw world-conquering momentum bleed away into wood smoke and the smell of fallen leaves. It's not unpleasant at all, this country home of mine -- next week will be alive with family and friends; the way I fell in love in the first place -- but today it gives me a feeling of wistful sadness.

It seems I make myself a smaller person here, or maybe it's vice-versa with the Mother City making me bigger. Much as I believe the hype about the internet flattening the world, it will always be true that different things happen in different places. It was an immense recharge, to walk again the streets of Brooklyn, to feel the quick hard snap of real subway doors, the great heaping crush of humanity, densely packed ambition and excellence. I draw power from the capital of the world.

And it's not just the women, but I won't lie: they're a big part of it. I have a no kiss-and-blog policy, but this little slice from William Gibson has stuck with me since adolescence, and pretty much nails me to a T:

But Bobby had this thing for girls, like they were his private tarot or something, the way he'd get himself moving. We never talked about it, but when it started to look like he was losing his touch that summer, he started to spend more time in the Gentleman Loser. He'd sit at a table by the open doors and watch the crowd slide by, nights when the bugs were at the neon and the air smelled of perfume and fast food. You could see his sunglasses scanning those faces as they passed, and he must have decided that Rikki's was the one he was waiting for, the wild card and the luck changer. The new one.

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On My Way Out

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Best Monday EVAR?

So far it's the best Monday evar, and not just because I had a fantastic dinner last night (butternut squash + garlic + house-made pasta + grappa = WIN). I'm hanging at The Change You Want To See and the good news is rolling like thunder:

It's looking like there will be some results. Elections have consequences.

Of course, the big thing we'll all be waiting on is what we do for the economy. That's a huge thing, but I'm feeling mildly optimistic about it all.

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My Favorite Soul Songs From The '70s

It's a big long life. As everyone knows, the art of living is a lot like surfing, and the key is remembering that the ocean is in fact bigger than you. Any illusions of control you may entertain are just that, illusions. But, you can catch a wave, and that's a real thing. You can catch a wave and ride it as far as it will take you, all the way to perfect laughter. This is the greatness, the best of all possible worlds. I don't surf myself, but I can imagine what that feels like, to suddenly harness the power of the sea.

Being back in NYC rekindles all sorts of things in me, ambitions, drives, the hero complex. Not that these have been latent or dead, but being here running the mix with this great world-capital metropolis is like dumping white gas on all those fires. It makes me think I could really be somebody, you know?

Last night I danced my face off at the wedding, helped construct a "who's next" pool afterwords -- something that seemed like a good idea at the time, but which in the grey light of morning feels questionable; who feels great being near the top or the bottom of such a list? -- and made an impulsive move to dance my face off again after I got back to Brooklyn.

Curiosity made me stick my head into Union Pool, which has completed its transformation into uber-scene. However, there was a man selling empanadas out of a cooler in the nice back-bar-with-stage space, and more importantly another guy with a huge stack of Soul 45s. Good times.

As I'd heard, the burg has continued on its trajectory without me. New construction is everywhere, quite obvious towers and a startling number of boxy row-house replacements, some with highly questionable "design". The Kellog Diner looks like something straight out of South Beach.

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